The Power of Discord

why the ups and downs of relationships are the secret to building intimacy, resilience, and trust
Ed Tronick, Claudia M. Gold

‘In this fabulous book, which everyone must own, Ed Tronick and Claudia Gold give all of us a scientifically-based compass for negotiating the messiness of social interaction. Rather than searching for perfection, in this book they teach us that it is the messiness and the mistakes we inevitably make as parents, friends, and lovers, and the repair of our mistakes that really matters. For in repair we ‘co-create a new meaning,’ and relationships thrive and proceed, full of life and good enough. Get this book!’

John Gottman, author of Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

‘Lively and riveting — Human connections have the power to heal by engaging us in a new set of moment-to-moment mismatches ... as long as we are open to repair and reconnect.’

Dr Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score

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‘A brilliant overview of our contemporary relational landscape that argues that what people — both children and adults — need most is the messiness of real relationships, with their conflicts, partial resolutions, and imperfect efforts at repair. In trying to make these things work, we practice attention, connection, and listening. We practice our humanity. We learn to put technology in its place. A book for thinking and for practical action. A must-read.’

Sherry Turkle, author of Alone Together: why we expect more from technology

‘Our relationships with attachment figures are often innately ‘messy’ and filled with discord as mismatches rupture the attuned, resonant alignments that are possible in our relational world. The reconnection established in the mismatch-repair process illuminated in this important work enables us to develop resilience in the face of the inevitable disconnections in these important self-defining close connections in our lives. This wise book will help many to reframe such ruptures as opportunities rather than troublesome burdens, painful yet important challenges that can actually afford us the interactive reconnection experiences that serve as the foundation for flourishing in life.’

Dr Daniel J. Siegel, author of Mindsight, and clinical professor at UCLA School of Medicine

‘The Power of Discord reveals the secrets to forming deep, lasting, trusting relationships; developing resilience in times of stress and trauma; and nourishing a solid sense of yourself in the world. The book, which naturally begins with the parent-child relationship, offers the key to unlocking better connections with romantic partners, family, friends and colleagues alike.’

Hannah Van Sickle, The Berkshire Edge

‘This profoundly wise book sets out how the dance of connection and disconnection with attachment figures molds our nervous system, our emotional lives, our sense of self, and our ability to dance in tune with others. When we miss each other is when we truly learn to turn, reach, and connect. There are no slick tips for perfect relationships with your kids or lovers here. Just a deep understanding of how the imperfections of life and love can make us strong.’

Sue Johnson, author of Hold Me Tight

How can we create more meaningful and intimate connections with our loved-ones? By using moments of discord to strengthen our relationships, explains this original, deeply researched book.

You might think that perfect harmony is the defining characteristic of a good relationship, but the truth is that human interactions are messy, complicated, and confusing.

The good news, however, is that we are wired to deal with this from birth — and even to grow from it and use it to strengthen our relationships, according to renowned psychologist Ed Tronick and paediatrician Claudia Gold. Scientific research — including Dr Tronick’s famous ‘Still-Face Experiment’ — has shown that working through mismatch and repair in everyday life helps us form deep, lasting, trusting relationships; resilience in times of stress and trauma; and a solid sense of self in the world.

This refreshing and original look at our ability to relate to others and to ourselves offers a new way for us to think about our relationships, and will reassure you that conflict is both normal and healthy, building the foundation for stronger connections.

John Gottman, author of Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

‘Lively and riveting — Human connections have the power to heal by engaging us in a new set of moment-to-moment mismatches ... as long as we are open to repair and reconnect.’

Dr Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score

View all reviews

Sherry Turkle, author of Alone Together: why we expect more from technology

Dr Daniel J. Siegel, author of Mindsight, and clinical professor at UCLA School of Medicine

Hannah Van Sickle, The Berkshire Edge

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Details

Format:Paperback

Size: 234mm × 153mm

Extent:288pp

ISBN (13):9781913348564

RRP:£16.99

Pub date:13 Aug 2020

Rights Held: UK & Commonwealth (ex Can)

High-res cover:Download Image

AWARDS

CATEGORIES / tags

Psychology PSYCHOLOGY / Developmental / Adulthood & Aging Psychology of ageing Family & relationships Dating, relationships, living together & marriage PSYCHOLOGY / Applied Psychology FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Conflict Resolution FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Marriage & Long-Term Relationships

AUTHORS

Ed Tronick

Dr Ed Tronick is a developmental and clinical psychologist, and the co-founder of the Child Development Unit at Boston Children’s Hospital and the Touchpoints program. He is a distinguished professor of psychology and director of the Infant-Parent Mental Health program at the University of Massachusetts Boston, and a research associate in newborn medicine at Harvard Medical School.

Claudia M. Gold

Dr Claudia M. Gold is a paediatrician and writer. She has practised general and behavioural paediatrics for 25 years, and specialises in early childhood mental health. She is the author of several books, including Keeping Your Child in Mind and The Silenced Child.

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We publish books that matter — narrative and literary nonfiction on important topics, and the best of local, international, and translated fiction.

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